Let's Talk About (More Than Just) Sex Baby

The Youth Pastor (and interim Head Pastor) at our church began a series this week with the Sr. High youth about dating. He had some really good material to work with and i will have to get a copy of his notes. They cover many of the same concepts and topics i would have covered but with a little bit of a better structure. When he was speaking it reminded me of some things... some cultural & church views that seem to be focused on at the expense of others. So i wanted to touch a little bit on some issues that i think most people, pastors as well as lay people tend to miss or forget.

One thing for instance is the concept of physical intimacy. It seems like whenever pastors or churches talk about dating and relationships we tend to focus on the unhealthy nature of physical intimacy. Sex, to be more precise. This is a hot topic in the Christian world. Sex outside of marriage is condemned in the Bible. It is rejected and it's clear why. Scientific research and other types of research back up how unhealthy it is to have numerous sexual partners on both the individual, the community, and the church. This is all very important, but sometimes we tend to get so focused on the sexual issues that we miss many of the others.

We as human beings are comprised of numerous interconnected "parts" (for lack of a better word right now "facets" may be better). We are physical (see, smell, hear, touch, & taste). We are emotional (happy, sad, upset, angry, excited, etc). We are cognitive (thought processes, plans, vision, ideas, concepts), and we are spiritual (our connection to God and what is around us that is beyond what fits into our ability to perceive otherwise). Every one of these facets is connected to one another. Something that affects one of these facets, one of these parts, affects the others. When someone is physically sick, it effects them emotionally, cognitively, as well as spiritually. The reality is that that physical sickness may only be a symptom of a problem in one of the other areas. At the same time, when we are involved in unhealthy behavior, sin, we hurt ourselves in every area of our lives.

Thus every facet of our being is affected by healthy as well as unhealthy relationships. When we go beyond what we are designed for and attempt to break the mold... the borders and limitations of what is designed to keep us in,whole, and complete... it doesn't just affect us in one area, it affects us in all areas and that's something we as a church tend to miss... to be continued...

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Worship & Prayer

There is so much about prayer that i don't understand at times. Then there are other times that pieces begin to fit together that didn't fit before. For instance the connection between prayer and worship. Years ago when i was in high school Scott Laird, the worship leader at my church, made a comment about how they were connected. He mentioned how many times when we worship God we are attracted to the worship by the beat, the rhythm, and the tune. However we speak the words even when we don't pay attention to what those words are saying. Part of Scott's point was that we need to pay attention to the words of what we are singing to make sure that what we are saying is correct and Biblical. The other point that he made is that when we sing something, just because we aren't paying attention doesn't mean that God isn't. He takes it seriously and will act on what we say. There are times when things come up in our lives that we are dumbfounded about. We have no idea what's going on, but when we ask God about it saying that we never wanted this, He reminds us that we most certainly did. When we sang that we were laying it all down, or that we are giving it all to Him, or that we want more of Him, even though we may have seen it more as just a song, He sees it just as it is. A message to Him. A prayer. A promise. When we sing something, there is so much more to it than just a song, and we fail to see that many times.

This past weekend i was thinking about worship and music and the structure of that worship. I was thinking about the structure of the a worship song. The main focus / basis / core / center of the worship is in the chorus. It defines the direction and movement of the whole song. Meanwhile, the verses work off of the chorus to define it more and give it substance and definition. The chorus acts as the trunk of the tree and the verses are the branches. The verses expand / expound as the chorus leads.

As i was thinking about that structure of worship as well as the parallel between worship and prayer, i realized that in the struggles that i have with praying, that structure may be a big benefit. If instead of jumping from one thing to another in my prayer i can have one focus that i start with and then define and expound upon it in "verses". Thereby my attention is less likely to drift into completely off areas. I am more likely to stay on task and focused, and the prayer itself becomes more... (i can't think of the right way to finish this) complete, purposeful, structured, beneficial...

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Something so Simple!

It's a funny thing about prayer. My undergraduate work was in Bible and Youth Ministry. While i was in Bible college i got myself into this habit of getting up an extra hour and a half to two and a half hours early to pray. Most everyone else was still asleep, but i was up in the prayer room studying, praying, and worshiping. Going to bed early and a well needed nap were necessary at the time in order to make it happen, but they were doable. Since then i have not been as faithful. I still get up early to try to spend the time, but it's not nearly as much.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn or to say that i'm this great guy or anything because i'm not. What i do want to do is that when i say what i'm going to say i want it to be clear the impact of this. I have a very difficult time praying. I struggle with it in so many ways it's difficult to imagine it as anything but a struggle. I can't stay awake. When i am awake i have such a hard time staying focused i may as well not be praying. When i am in public in front of people i can pray in ways i could only wish that i could in private. You would think (at least i know i would think) that after 15 years of (usually) daily prayer, praise, and Bible reading and 3 years of Bible college, that someone would be able to at least pray. Yet for me, day in and day out it is the most difficult things that i do in the day.

It's difficult because, if i pray out loud i'm likely to wake up the girls. If i pray quietly i get distracted and lose focus. If i kneel down to pray i fall asleep. If i sit everything else going on in my head distracts me. If i stand up everything around me distracts me. It's like i'm fighting a battle with the wind, and the wind keeps winning. Yet this should not be such a struggle. You would think that something so simple as prayer would be... well simple! So much for that idea.

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Feeding the Child, Not the Adult

How much are Jr. High youth able to handle? Do we give them credit where credit is due? We have been working on a series with the Jr. High youth that talks about what God is like. Each week we look at another facet of God's personality and the kinds of things He is or does. For instance we talked about how God is an inventor, a rescue worker, a servant, etc. Each week we do different activities that focus on what this means and that it is important to do these kinds of things ourselves.

The further we go into the series the more i realize how little substance there is in it. For instance this week i am leading and the for the topic there are two verses used for support. Neither verse is even considered in context, and one of them is actually taken almost completely out of context. It seems like the series is dumbed down to it's simplest possible elements and then bottle fed to someone who has been bottle fed all their lives. To me, it's no wonder Jr. High youth don't practice what they learn, they've heard the same thing for 11 years. It goes in one ear and out the other.

Quite honestly, i think that this is not just a problem in the Sunday School series we are using right now. I think that this is just an example of how we (as a nation and society) view our youth. They have the ability to do and be so much, but they are not challenged. They are relegated to the title of kid. Looked on and treated as kids, they are expected to act that way and as a result, they do. Meanwhile their untapped potential exceeds the bounds of our imagination. So what do we do now?

Rush Hour Prime Time

Our (western, first world country) world is in such a rush. People running here and there. A thousand things have to get done in the day, and when the day is done there are a hundred other things that we want to do. We plunge onto the couch to watch tv. We sit down at the computer to read and surf the net. We IM each other to stay in touch. Everything is about staying busy doing things.

That's not to say that doing things is necessarily a bad thing. The issue isn't so much that the things that we do are not so good so much as that we are currently in a society and mentality in which we have surrounded ourselves with so much that we need to do that we don't even have the time to sit back and think. Our lives and society are in such a state of motion that we can't be at rest. Even when we are at rest we are actively doing something. There have been times when just about every one of us have come home from work or whatever has been going on and just sat down in front of the TV and mindlessly watched TV. It was not because there was necessarily something that we want to see, but because we wanted something to do and TV was better than nothing.

Many times we would rather watch nothing worth watching or keep busy doing unnecessary tasks rather than be alone with our thoughts. It's easier to fill our heads with pointless, unhealthy, and sometimes destructive views than to stop and pay attention to what's going in our own heads. At times for me that is a good thing. I can't always trust where my mind will go if i let it wander. At the same time i tend to miss out on so much when i'm completely focused on things and everyday life. It is my alone time, my time just focused and meditating on God and His word that brings peace and much needed rest. It is during the quiet times and the times that i'm not doing a hundred things at once that i can focus on God and what He has to tell me. It's at these times that God speaks and i get a completely new view of what is significant and important.

I think that that's why our world is so focused on keeping busy. The enemy knows that when we are too busy being busy we don't have time to reflect on God or our own issues. We become tired, we can't stay focused, we become overwhelmed, and the cycle repeats itself.

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"As Long as it Doesn't Hurt Anyone Else..."

One of the problems that comes with our focus on and demand for individuality, self-reliance, and independence is that every decision that we makes affects not only us, but everyone around us. We are not an island in and of ourselves. We are not self-sustaining nor are we simply self-affecting. It's easy for us to look at our lives and our world and try to convince ourselves that we are only responsible for our own actions. Our mentality becomes one in which it doesn't matter that i do what i know is not right it only affects me. As long as it isn't hurting anyone else i can do what i want.

This is a concept that really frustrates me and gets me upset. It very much reminds me of the the Beatles song "All You Need is Love". That song practically became a motto for a generation. It's a beautiful concept that brings lots of warm fuzzies. People applied it to their lives, their marriages, how they raised their kids, etc. In the end living by that motto and mentality destroys us. Love is a whole lot more complex than an emotional reaction. Love (the way our world sees it) in itself does not and can not sustain anything. Our love fails, and when our lives are built on this concept, they collapse as well.

The same concept is true of this mentality of being able to do what we want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. It is becoming the motto of a generation, unfortunately it is even more destructive than the last. The reality is that there is nothing that we do that does not affect those around us. Everything that we do affects and defines us. Our hidden thoughts and actions are the seeds of our lives. A person who in their alone time sits down and looks at inappropriate pictures and watches raunchy videos is going to have a very difficult time having a healthy relationship. As is a person who sits and reads books and watches tv shows and movies in which the relationships are scripted to draw out our emotional reactions and have no real resemblance to what a healthy relationship should or does look like. These things develop in us views and mentalities of who we are, who others are, and what a relationship is that in turn create cracks and weak areas in us which ultimately destroy us our relationships and those around us. Yet the view is that as long is it is not hurting anyone else, it's all right.

I think that what surprises me the most (or maybe it doesn't) is that there are people out there that actually believe this concept. It doesn't take a philosopher or a theologian to recognize the problems with this view. All it takes is a 12 year old with two minutes of dwelling on it to to put more holes in it than swiss cheese. Yet time and time again we either knowingly ignore the holes to our own destruction, or we don't even take the two minutes needed to recognize that there is a problem with the very philosophy and foundation that our lives are based on. Then somehow we are either surprised that our lives are falling apart, or we think that that is the way it is supposed to be.

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Independence, Self-Reliance, & Individuality

One of the hallmarks of our society is the mentality of independence, self-reliance, and individuality. The focus is on standing out and being yourself. "Be faithful to yourself" It's what we are taught in school. It's what we see in life. It's a major focus in our society. Make what is around you fit your personality and style. Is there necessarily anything wrong with these concepts? Yes and No. For instance, our society embraces the ideas, concepts, and values of independence, self-reliance, and individuality. What's wrong with these concepts? The problem is that they come at the cost of family, community, dependence, and cooperation. They instill in us the values of pride & self-centeredness, inability to rely on or trust others, and a focus on success at the cost of everything else. Is that really the kind of life and lifestyle that we want? Is that what we want bred into ourselves, our society, and our children? Unfortunately, too often that is where we are and what we are teaching and learning.

Everything that we learn and do is based off of not learning and doing something else. We continually have to make choices in our lives and every decision that we make affects our lives. Everything we do comes at a cost. The cost can be that of other choices. The cost can be that of having to live with the consequences of our own decisions. Or the cost can be that of having to learn to survive dealing with decisions that are out of our control. Something that we, as a society, are often none too pleased with.

What is the Cost of Technology?

There are so many things that we have lost with the advance of technology in our modern and post-modern age. So many things that are key to our success and survival. Our views and mentalities have changed, and as a result we are slowly losing parts of ourselves. There is so much of who we are that is linked to the past. Yet the past is being discarded in the face of the future.

So many times technology embraces the new at the cost of the proven. How many people's lives are easier as a result of the advances in technology? It seems to me that instead of our lives becoming better, technology has simply made our lives faster. Instead of it giving us more free time, technology has required us to get more done. It has made it so that we invest more in doing and less in becoming.

"When we sacrifice on the alter of technology we gain productivity but it comes at a price. What is that price, and is it worth it?"

What do you think?

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Where is This Train Going?

"Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

How are we training our children? What do we want our children to become? It's funny, because many times we send our kids off to school to be raised and trained by other people. We may see them in the evening when they come home from school and we get home from work, and at that point we as adults are usually too tired from the day to interact with them in a healthy way. Many times our weekends are spent getting things done that need to get done around the house while our kids are doing their own thing. So how are we training them? They learn from us what they see us doing. If we are too focused on our own problems and issues, that is what they will see as the right way of handling things. If we spend all of our time working on take home from our jobs what does that teach them? Who and what are we training our children to become and at what cost to them? How are we training our children and what exactly are they learning from us?

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