... Warts and All

This is part 2. Please see "Let's Talk About (More Than Just) Sex Baby" for part 1. In part 1 we were talking about how we as people are made up of interconnected parts or facets. When there is a problem with one aspect of our lives it affects the others as well. We were relating that to relationships and how we tend to (as a church) focus on the unhealthy physical aspects of a relationship. However, it goes far beyond the physical.

When we are involved in serious relationship after serious relationship it tends to tear us apart on numerous levels. Our sexuality becomes disjointed and disfigured, but so does our emotional focus. Sex takes 2 people producing 1 flesh. When that sexual bond is broken with multiple sexual partners, we permanently lose a part of ourselves and gain a part of that other person. The more people we are involved with sexually, the less we are ourselves. The same thing happens emotionally. When we build an emotional bond with another person in that intimate of a setting we tend to give that person a part of ourselves and they to us. It is a bond that never really fully dissolves. We carry a piece of that person around with us for the rest of our lives, and no matter how hard we try to dislodge that aspect of that other person, it remains. When a person has had numerous emotional partners, building that emotional bond through time attention and giving of one another at deep emotional levels, we tend to remain emotionally connected to them long after the relationship has ended. We permanently gain a part of that person and lose a part of ourselves.

Many people call this "emotional baggage", which is a pretty accurate description. Many times therapists are hired to help a person "remove" this "baggage", but the reality is that this is baggage that cannot be removed. It is a cyst or wart that is permanently attached to you. What a counselor helps you to do is to minimize the negative impact this permanent growth has on your life. When we have time and time again given ourselves emotionally to another person we end up with an emotional life that is so wart encased that we cannot emotionally connect with anyone in any real way. We create for ourselves an emotional armor that cannot be penetrated even by a healthy and constructive relationship. We become a knight in armor. However, that armor is used to keep people out instead of being used to rescue people in distress, and it certainly is not shining armor.

Being involved in relationship after relationship slowly tears us apart not only physically and emotionally as has been stated here, but also mentally and spiritually as well. Nothing that we do affects only part of us. Every aspect of ourselves is interconnected to one another and nothing that we do only affects one part of us.

Image from medapt used under cc license.