... Warts and All

This is part 2. Please see "Let's Talk About (More Than Just) Sex Baby" for part 1. In part 1 we were talking about how we as people are made up of interconnected parts or facets. When there is a problem with one aspect of our lives it affects the others as well. We were relating that to relationships and how we tend to (as a church) focus on the unhealthy physical aspects of a relationship. However, it goes far beyond the physical.

When we are involved in serious relationship after serious relationship it tends to tear us apart on numerous levels. Our sexuality becomes disjointed and disfigured, but so does our emotional focus. Sex takes 2 people producing 1 flesh. When that sexual bond is broken with multiple sexual partners, we permanently lose a part of ourselves and gain a part of that other person. The more people we are involved with sexually, the less we are ourselves. The same thing happens emotionally. When we build an emotional bond with another person in that intimate of a setting we tend to give that person a part of ourselves and they to us. It is a bond that never really fully dissolves. We carry a piece of that person around with us for the rest of our lives, and no matter how hard we try to dislodge that aspect of that other person, it remains. When a person has had numerous emotional partners, building that emotional bond through time attention and giving of one another at deep emotional levels, we tend to remain emotionally connected to them long after the relationship has ended. We permanently gain a part of that person and lose a part of ourselves.

Many people call this "emotional baggage", which is a pretty accurate description. Many times therapists are hired to help a person "remove" this "baggage", but the reality is that this is baggage that cannot be removed. It is a cyst or wart that is permanently attached to you. What a counselor helps you to do is to minimize the negative impact this permanent growth has on your life. When we have time and time again given ourselves emotionally to another person we end up with an emotional life that is so wart encased that we cannot emotionally connect with anyone in any real way. We create for ourselves an emotional armor that cannot be penetrated even by a healthy and constructive relationship. We become a knight in armor. However, that armor is used to keep people out instead of being used to rescue people in distress, and it certainly is not shining armor.

Being involved in relationship after relationship slowly tears us apart not only physically and emotionally as has been stated here, but also mentally and spiritually as well. Nothing that we do affects only part of us. Every aspect of ourselves is interconnected to one another and nothing that we do only affects one part of us.

Image from medapt used under cc license.

Let's Talk About (More Than Just) Sex Baby

The Youth Pastor (and interim Head Pastor) at our church began a series this week with the Sr. High youth about dating. He had some really good material to work with and i will have to get a copy of his notes. They cover many of the same concepts and topics i would have covered but with a little bit of a better structure. When he was speaking it reminded me of some things... some cultural & church views that seem to be focused on at the expense of others. So i wanted to touch a little bit on some issues that i think most people, pastors as well as lay people tend to miss or forget.

One thing for instance is the concept of physical intimacy. It seems like whenever pastors or churches talk about dating and relationships we tend to focus on the unhealthy nature of physical intimacy. Sex, to be more precise. This is a hot topic in the Christian world. Sex outside of marriage is condemned in the Bible. It is rejected and it's clear why. Scientific research and other types of research back up how unhealthy it is to have numerous sexual partners on both the individual, the community, and the church. This is all very important, but sometimes we tend to get so focused on the sexual issues that we miss many of the others.

We as human beings are comprised of numerous interconnected "parts" (for lack of a better word right now "facets" may be better). We are physical (see, smell, hear, touch, & taste). We are emotional (happy, sad, upset, angry, excited, etc). We are cognitive (thought processes, plans, vision, ideas, concepts), and we are spiritual (our connection to God and what is around us that is beyond what fits into our ability to perceive otherwise). Every one of these facets is connected to one another. Something that affects one of these facets, one of these parts, affects the others. When someone is physically sick, it effects them emotionally, cognitively, as well as spiritually. The reality is that that physical sickness may only be a symptom of a problem in one of the other areas. At the same time, when we are involved in unhealthy behavior, sin, we hurt ourselves in every area of our lives.

Thus every facet of our being is affected by healthy as well as unhealthy relationships. When we go beyond what we are designed for and attempt to break the mold... the borders and limitations of what is designed to keep us in,whole, and complete... it doesn't just affect us in one area, it affects us in all areas and that's something we as a church tend to miss... to be continued...

Image from Daoist56 used under cc license.