Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

At this point, staying or going is not about choice. I was brought on under the expectation of church growth. Our church has not grown as expected and finances are a major issue. The powers at be have decided that due to the financial crisis and since they do not see the numbers growth that they expected in the youth group, the inevitable is now. Either way, our time here has ended.

However, how i go makes all the difference in the world. I have been given the option. They were going to just say that they let us go with financial and other issues being the reason. After seeking some wise counsel my lead pastor has given us (my wife and me) the choice. We could say that i resigned, or that i was let go. My head pastor is pushing for me to say that i resigned. He and others think that finding a new ("better fit") position is going to be much easier for us if we resign as opposed to are let go. I'm inclined to agree with that statement. We are most likely going to find that getting a new job in our field is going to be much easier if we go the easier road.

However, there is a whole lot more to it than just what will benefit us. We have been in this position for over a year. There have been issues with some of the youth throughout that time (not to be unexpected). But if we leave now by "choice", it sends a message to the youth that we think they aren't worth fighting for. It tells them that they are not important enough for us to not give up on them. Our youth group is small but appropriate to the size of the church. One of the key youth just lost his best friend (moved away). He has been having a very difficult time with the process, and his mood and mentality has definitely changed as a result. Another is a very depressed loner who already feels left out. My wife and i have been really trying to reach out to her and draw her in with some aspect of success. Another youth started out as a very shy loner who has since opened up and bloomed within the youth group. He absolutely loves us. There are others that we have had conflict with but that we have worked to try to make sure that they understand that we value them.

The last place we were, part of what we were doing was a Jr. High small group. That small group was a fun time and everyone enjoyed being there. Everyone liked/loved us, but it wasn't until we were there for over a year that they began to open up. They began to bring to us some of the stuff that was going on in their lives and families to pray for and help them process through. That post 12-16 month point was when everything changed. We went from a small group of teaching and advice giving to having the ability (and right) to speak into their lives and mentor them. When we left for our current position, it had a major effect on that group. That small group continued with another leader who is a friend of ours. She loves those youth as her own kids, however the dynamics of that group changed immensely after we left. Some of the students left and joined another small group, others left and never came back. We still attempt to connect sometimes with those youth, but that solid connection is now lost. One of our biggest regrets was that they were finally opening up, and we up and left them.

Now we have a group that is FULL of struggling students. Young people that are struggling with loss, rejection, trying to reach for acceptance, family issues, understanding who they are, and more. If we resign, we are sending the youth the message that "we gave up on you". "We're done with you". "We didn't think that you were worth fighting for". Even if we say something to them otherwise, our resigning still tells them, "It's been a difficult road for all of us, and we have better things to do than try to make this work". Quite frankly, that's the last thing this group needs.

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Hope Springs Eternal

I handled a face to face confrontation very poorly. Instead of my giving logical and appropriate responses to what was said, much of it was unclear and emotion driven. Some of what was said to me took me so completely off guard that i couldn't even come close to expressing or explaining what was what because i just couldn't process the issues at all. Afterwards, there were a ton of issues that i knew i had totally destroyed, points (as in key issues not winning scores) that were lost, and important factors completely overlooked on both sides. (THAT is why i prefer the written word with time to process over face to face every time.) Overall, the most clear, honest, and properly formed response i was able to give was an apology, and a prayer under my breath that we both walked away with more learned than lost.


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The Balance of Judgment

As time goes by i find that i am more a man who likes balance.  So often i hear people talk / preach / teach about something and my gut reaction is, "but what about!".  

For instance this past Sunday at church the pastor and people were discussing how we are not to judge one another.  People brought up stories about how either they or people they knew stopped going to church because other people judged them unjustly, and that we should accept people as they are and let God judge and convict them.  When we judge them we drive them away.  I kept telling my wife that this line of thinking was really grating on me.  Finally, i found the passage in I Corinthians 5 that instructs the people of the church to judge a man that was knowingly living in sin and remove him from the church.  The princple is that the responsibility of the church is to be judge over themselves and that when we allow sin to pervade the church it will tend to spread through the church.  There was quite a bit more to the conversation than that, but you get the gist. 

It's funny because about 4-5 months ago i was in a group discussion among other pastors in which i defended the other side of the argument talking about how when someone comes into the church we can't automatically judge them, but we need to let the Holy Spirit convict them.  The point was that when we judge a new Christian and place a whole bunch of rules on them, we are doing the Holy Spirit's job for Him and we tend to drive people away rather than help them to grow.  

So the question is, why the change in views?  What changed that caused me to go to the opposite extreme?  The answer is... nothing.  My view did not change.  In both discussions there was an imbalance.  Both arguments, are valid and understanding both sides of the argument is imperative to making the right choices and reacting properly to sin that is in the church.  If one extreme is taken without regard for the other, the church tends to be unhealty and self-destructive.  Balance is a very difficult thing to learn. 

Ecclesiastes 7:18 It is good that you grasp one thing and also not let go of the other; for the one who fears God comes forth with both of them.

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Security, Significance, and the Nature of Man

I'm a big fan of C.S.Lewis' writing, and this year i started reading The Business of Heaven. It's a one year devotional based on Lewis' writing. I started it late and don't always remember to read it every day, so i'm only just finished Jan 21-22 today (Jan 30), but i have been getting quite a bit out of it.

Early on (Jan 3&4 i believe) there is an emphasis on understanding that rest and peace should not be our goal in life. It should not be what we are pursuing with purpose. When we are surrounded by safety (rest and peace) we become complacent. Our intent becomes security for the sake of security. In reality it is only in struggle that we mature and grow. In my counseling studies and experience i have come to the point where i greatly agree that overall (as a stereotype) that men have an overwhelming need for significance, and women have an overwhelming need for security. (I have also been looking at this in a series i have been preaching on relationships with my youth What Girls Need to Understand About Guys and What Guys Need to Understand About Girls)

As i was reading this it struck me that what Lewis is talking about here is security. It is the very thing that women (stereotypically) are looking for as one of their very base needs. So it is an underlying need that when fully achieved is unhealthy, in part destructive, and should not be a constant. Being a person of (/seeking) balance i know that what is good for the gander is good for the goose. So i started thinking about how if security, being a need common to women, is unhealthy when achieved as an end, then so must significance. Men strive for significance (stereotypically). We seek to be known and to achieve something important. It is an universal need. Yet if security, in itself, is unhealthy than significance is as well. So i started processing. What does significance lead to when fully achieved that could be destructive and harmful? The answer is obvious, pride and laziness (/gluttony? [in a more generic term]).

If security achieved tends to result in complacency (and self-elevation) and significance achieved leads to pride and laziness/gluttony (I'm still not satisfied that laziness and/or gluttony (generic) are the best terms), then aren't the desires themselves unhealthy? Should we not be seeking to fulfill them? No, i don't think that these are unhealthy desires in themselves. Seeking them is not bad in and of itself. It is these desires that lead to so many other great things. In truth, the desire itself is very good. These desires have resulted in most of the greatest achievements in the history of mankind. So the results are not necessarily unhealthy or bad, but in truth i believe that the achievement (/fulfillment) of these desires themselves (in this world) to be very dangerous (not in a good way).

So in truth, seeking security and significance can be good, while achieving it can be very bad.

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A Dream: The Problem of Pride

I had a kind of strange dream this morning. I dreamed that i had a group of Jr. Highers at a lock in at a mall. We came to the mall and the youth were having a blast running around, eating, playing games, etc. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning and i had thought that the doors were locked. While i was standing there some older youth (mainly Sr. Highers) that i didn't know came to the door and were trying to get in. They looked like they could easily create some major problems.

They were forcing their way into the mall. I tried to confront them and kick them out, but they were clearly not interested in taking "no" for an answer. I was heatedly yelling at them to go away and that they didn't belong there. They asked me who i was and what right i had to tell them they couldn't be there. So i stuck my chest out and arrogantly told them that i was the youth pastor, and that this was "MY" Jr. High youth group. During this the older kids gave one last attempt to get in, then took off.

In the mean time the youngest of their group snuck through. As soon as he got in the doors he ran over to the sound system and started messing with the buttons and dials, obviously trying to distract me enough for his friends to get in. I finally had to grab him by the ear and just about drag him out of the building. His friends had already gone, but i threw him out and yelled at him to get out and stay out.

That is right about when i woke up very shaken up. I was so ashamed of myself. There were these young people who were out in the middle of the night looking for something to do. I had the opportunity to reach out to them, instead i arrogantly drove them off. I was so afraid of them messing up my perfect little evening youth group activity... challenging my authority... making me look bad. Instead of reaching out to them, even the youngest one who actually would have belonged there, i drove them away.

Needless to say, it was humbling seeing how easy it is for my pride to get in the way of who i am and what i am passionate about.

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Focused Time

This past week as part of the prayer week i have been taking some time away from recreational activities at home at the beginning of the day. This includes things like video games and getting online. Instead i have been spending more time in the word, praying, and spending more focused time with family.

I find that whenever i do things like this, it always helps me in my relationship with God and my family. I'm not as distracted by unnecessary crap and tend to be able to focus more on God, family, and resolving my own issues.

In spite of that, so often after these types of fasting times, i always seem to (eventually) go back to my old habits. Then when a time of fasting comes again i dread its coming. It takes a while to really get into it, and i am so resistant to it.

As i have been writing and processing this i have come to two separate conclusions:
1) I see it as a time of fasting. It is something that i see as a limited time thing. I look to the conclusion and don't expect it to be something that lasts. When the time is over and i have an urge to get back into my old habits, there is nothing stopping me. Whereas if my focus instead is, this is what i am going to do, and i will not be returning to my old way of doing things it becomes an issue of a changing a habit / lifestyle instead of a temporary thing. As a result the resolve is to continue.
2) My other thought was that this is a battle of the flesh. I John 2:15-17 says, "Do not love the world nor the things in the world If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world. The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever." The battle is a desire of the flesh (having "fun" instead of being responsible) that wars for dominance in my life. I go back to these things because they are fun and a distraction instead of being something that takes effort and doesn't lead to more immediate gratification.

So now the issue is, where do i go from here. The time of prayer & fasting is at a close, but should this change in actions end?

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