Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

At this point, staying or going is not about choice. I was brought on under the expectation of church growth. Our church has not grown as expected and finances are a major issue. The powers at be have decided that due to the financial crisis and since they do not see the numbers growth that they expected in the youth group, the inevitable is now. Either way, our time here has ended.

However, how i go makes all the difference in the world. I have been given the option. They were going to just say that they let us go with financial and other issues being the reason. After seeking some wise counsel my lead pastor has given us (my wife and me) the choice. We could say that i resigned, or that i was let go. My head pastor is pushing for me to say that i resigned. He and others think that finding a new ("better fit") position is going to be much easier for us if we resign as opposed to are let go. I'm inclined to agree with that statement. We are most likely going to find that getting a new job in our field is going to be much easier if we go the easier road.

However, there is a whole lot more to it than just what will benefit us. We have been in this position for over a year. There have been issues with some of the youth throughout that time (not to be unexpected). But if we leave now by "choice", it sends a message to the youth that we think they aren't worth fighting for. It tells them that they are not important enough for us to not give up on them. Our youth group is small but appropriate to the size of the church. One of the key youth just lost his best friend (moved away). He has been having a very difficult time with the process, and his mood and mentality has definitely changed as a result. Another is a very depressed loner who already feels left out. My wife and i have been really trying to reach out to her and draw her in with some aspect of success. Another youth started out as a very shy loner who has since opened up and bloomed within the youth group. He absolutely loves us. There are others that we have had conflict with but that we have worked to try to make sure that they understand that we value them.

The last place we were, part of what we were doing was a Jr. High small group. That small group was a fun time and everyone enjoyed being there. Everyone liked/loved us, but it wasn't until we were there for over a year that they began to open up. They began to bring to us some of the stuff that was going on in their lives and families to pray for and help them process through. That post 12-16 month point was when everything changed. We went from a small group of teaching and advice giving to having the ability (and right) to speak into their lives and mentor them. When we left for our current position, it had a major effect on that group. That small group continued with another leader who is a friend of ours. She loves those youth as her own kids, however the dynamics of that group changed immensely after we left. Some of the students left and joined another small group, others left and never came back. We still attempt to connect sometimes with those youth, but that solid connection is now lost. One of our biggest regrets was that they were finally opening up, and we up and left them.

Now we have a group that is FULL of struggling students. Young people that are struggling with loss, rejection, trying to reach for acceptance, family issues, understanding who they are, and more. If we resign, we are sending the youth the message that "we gave up on you". "We're done with you". "We didn't think that you were worth fighting for". Even if we say something to them otherwise, our resigning still tells them, "It's been a difficult road for all of us, and we have better things to do than try to make this work". Quite frankly, that's the last thing this group needs.

Image from masukomi used under cc license.