It's a funny thing about prayer. My undergraduate work was in Bible and Youth Ministry. While i was in Bible college i got myself into this habit of getting up an extra hour and a half to two and a half hours early to pray. Most everyone else was still asleep, but i was up in the prayer room studying, praying, and worshiping. Going to bed early and a well needed nap were necessary at the time in order to make it happen, but they were doable. Since then i have not been as faithful. I still get up early to try to spend the time, but it's not nearly as much.
I'm not trying to toot my own horn or to say that i'm this great guy or anything because i'm not. What i do want to do is that when i say what i'm going to say i want it to be clear the impact of this. I have a very difficult time praying. I struggle with it in so many ways it's difficult to imagine it as anything but a struggle. I can't stay awake. When i am awake i have such a hard time staying focused i may as well not be praying. When i am in public in front of people i can pray in ways i could only wish that i could in private. You would think (at least i know i would think) that after 15 years of (usually) daily prayer, praise, and Bible reading and 3 years of Bible college, that someone would be able to at least pray. Yet for me, day in and day out it is the most difficult things that i do in the day.
It's difficult because, if i pray out loud i'm likely to wake up the girls. If i pray quietly i get distracted and lose focus. If i kneel down to pray i fall asleep. If i sit everything else going on in my head distracts me. If i stand up everything around me distracts me. It's like i'm fighting a battle with the wind, and the wind keeps winning. Yet this should not be such a struggle. You would think that something so simple as prayer would be... well simple! So much for that idea.
Image from kalandrakas used under cc license.
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