Security, Significance, and the Nature of Man

I'm a big fan of C.S.Lewis' writing, and this year i started reading The Business of Heaven. It's a one year devotional based on Lewis' writing. I started it late and don't always remember to read it every day, so i'm only just finished Jan 21-22 today (Jan 30), but i have been getting quite a bit out of it.

Early on (Jan 3&4 i believe) there is an emphasis on understanding that rest and peace should not be our goal in life. It should not be what we are pursuing with purpose. When we are surrounded by safety (rest and peace) we become complacent. Our intent becomes security for the sake of security. In reality it is only in struggle that we mature and grow. In my counseling studies and experience i have come to the point where i greatly agree that overall (as a stereotype) that men have an overwhelming need for significance, and women have an overwhelming need for security. (I have also been looking at this in a series i have been preaching on relationships with my youth What Girls Need to Understand About Guys and What Guys Need to Understand About Girls)

As i was reading this it struck me that what Lewis is talking about here is security. It is the very thing that women (stereotypically) are looking for as one of their very base needs. So it is an underlying need that when fully achieved is unhealthy, in part destructive, and should not be a constant. Being a person of (/seeking) balance i know that what is good for the gander is good for the goose. So i started thinking about how if security, being a need common to women, is unhealthy when achieved as an end, then so must significance. Men strive for significance (stereotypically). We seek to be known and to achieve something important. It is an universal need. Yet if security, in itself, is unhealthy than significance is as well. So i started processing. What does significance lead to when fully achieved that could be destructive and harmful? The answer is obvious, pride and laziness (/gluttony? [in a more generic term]).

If security achieved tends to result in complacency (and self-elevation) and significance achieved leads to pride and laziness/gluttony (I'm still not satisfied that laziness and/or gluttony (generic) are the best terms), then aren't the desires themselves unhealthy? Should we not be seeking to fulfill them? No, i don't think that these are unhealthy desires in themselves. Seeking them is not bad in and of itself. It is these desires that lead to so many other great things. In truth, the desire itself is very good. These desires have resulted in most of the greatest achievements in the history of mankind. So the results are not necessarily unhealthy or bad, but in truth i believe that the achievement (/fulfillment) of these desires themselves (in this world) to be very dangerous (not in a good way).

So in truth, seeking security and significance can be good, while achieving it can be very bad.

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Within Reach... Yet Unreachable

I went for my walk this morning and went past some construction that is being done on a nearby major intersection. As i walked by this morning it looked so desolate; dry, dusty, lifeless, vacant. The businesses that were there looked the same way. Numerous of them were closed, and one of them had sprayed on the window that it was for sale. There was no one there, and it seemed as though nothing worth seeing. Overall, it looked like a small wasteland.

In the construction zone on the other side of the street was a dusty, dirty, old truck. The truck was white with very little writing on it. On the back of the truck in big black letters that said "Water" on it. It struck me that that image very much defines our society, our youth, and our families. It's very desolate. Young people, families, lives, all empty, dry, desolate. All without life. Meanwhile, the very thing needed for life, is just sitting there all bottled up and out of reach of everything. There is such potential, the ground and the world around it is screaming out for it, yet it is unreached / unreachable unless it is released.

This is us. This is our families. This is our towns & cities. This is our country & world. All of these things reaching out, wanting and needing what is sitting there all bottled up within easy reach. Yet it is completely unattainable unless the water is released. So now what?

Now obviously, this is a construction zone, and everything that is going on, the desolation, the dirt, the water truck, all have a reason, and all have a purpose to play. The road will be completed. Hopefully the business and people will return. Life, of sorts, will return at the right time. In the end, that purpose will be played out.

However, the image will stand. The image of the dry & desolate land reaching out for something that is right there within reach, yet completely unreachable. Something that is needed, but that needs only to be released.

Do We Invest it, or Do We Spend it?

How much of what we do in our lives is nothing more than extraneous crap? How much time do we spend just doing things for the sake of doing them and because we don't really have to put any effort into them, but that don't really do anything with any lasting significance? What happens when our jobs are there only to pay the bills? Do we create ways to have significance in other areas of our lives, or do we come home, vedge out in front of the tv, eat dinner, and go to bed? Where is that extra time spent? Do we invest it, or do we spend it?

I know it's easy when the work/jobs of life have worn us out to just let go and turn our extra time into "me time". It's the end of the day, everything has piled up, and it doesn't seem like it really matters all that much. I've been there. I've done that. Everyone has done that. Most us us still do it (myself included). What i've found over the years is that when i do that... When i spend my time just as "me time" i tend to get grumpy and easily irritated. I spend that time doing things that i know are pointless and useless, and my attitude shows it. When i turn around and instead invest that time in other people and other situations, i tend to have a much clearer and hopeful attitude about life. That time invested no longer seems like time wasted, and life has much more of a purpose.

Of course that in turn creates other problems like the pointless mediocrity of a purposeless job becomes that much more difficult when it is no longer surrounded by more pointless mediocrity. I guess you just can't win for losing. I so can't wait to get back into a job that actually has a purpose.

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The Desires of Our Hearts

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." When i was younger i read that verse and thought that it meant that if i seek the Lord, He will give me what i want. I still think in reality many times that is true. When we delight ourselves in God many times he gives us the things we desire. What i came to realize quite some time ago is that this idea/concept has nothing to do with this verse. I don't know if this was something that i heard from a pastor's teaching, or if it was something that God showed to me in my daily time. This realization that changed my whole outlook... my whole way of thinking is that this desire of our hearts is not the completion of a physical desire, but rather the passion of our lives. Think about it for a minute..........

This isn't a promise that i will get what i want. In fact contrary to that, we may never see this desire fulfilled in our lifetime. It isn't a promise of completion. It is a promise of desire. It is a promise that when we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us a desire or desires for our lives. We will have a passion and a purpose for our lives above and beyond ourselves. That passion may be to reach out to those in desperate need. It may be to help the homeless. It may be to bring hope to those whose lives are falling apart. It may be to help a person or ministry grow and succeed. It may be any of these things or more... more than you or i could ever imagine. That is the promise of Psalm 37:4. When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He will put in us a passion and a desire that is beyond anything we can do alone. He gives our heart a passion and desire that exceeds us. We go from a lifeless robot to a person with a passion.

Working off of that thought. How many of us have really had a passion and a desire for our lives? How many lose or have lost that passion over the years? How many of us right now are not doing anything in our lives to fulfill or complete that desire? It amazes me to see how often i have gotten so wrapped up in doing everything that i was supposed to do that i lost grip of the passion and desire that defines (or should be defining) me. Living the right life interferes with fulfilling that passion and desire. Oftentimes when i seek what is "best" i just end up with the rest. Why? Because so often what we think of as being "the best" is nothing more than a fading desire. It is a lost cause that has no lasting purpose. Because so often what we seek in our daily lives is contrary to God and the passion that He is giving/has given to us. We lose sight of this passion and end up only being part of the person God has created us to be.

Worship & Prayer

There is so much about prayer that i don't understand at times. Then there are other times that pieces begin to fit together that didn't fit before. For instance the connection between prayer and worship. Years ago when i was in high school Scott Laird, the worship leader at my church, made a comment about how they were connected. He mentioned how many times when we worship God we are attracted to the worship by the beat, the rhythm, and the tune. However we speak the words even when we don't pay attention to what those words are saying. Part of Scott's point was that we need to pay attention to the words of what we are singing to make sure that what we are saying is correct and Biblical. The other point that he made is that when we sing something, just because we aren't paying attention doesn't mean that God isn't. He takes it seriously and will act on what we say. There are times when things come up in our lives that we are dumbfounded about. We have no idea what's going on, but when we ask God about it saying that we never wanted this, He reminds us that we most certainly did. When we sang that we were laying it all down, or that we are giving it all to Him, or that we want more of Him, even though we may have seen it more as just a song, He sees it just as it is. A message to Him. A prayer. A promise. When we sing something, there is so much more to it than just a song, and we fail to see that many times.

This past weekend i was thinking about worship and music and the structure of that worship. I was thinking about the structure of the a worship song. The main focus / basis / core / center of the worship is in the chorus. It defines the direction and movement of the whole song. Meanwhile, the verses work off of the chorus to define it more and give it substance and definition. The chorus acts as the trunk of the tree and the verses are the branches. The verses expand / expound as the chorus leads.

As i was thinking about that structure of worship as well as the parallel between worship and prayer, i realized that in the struggles that i have with praying, that structure may be a big benefit. If instead of jumping from one thing to another in my prayer i can have one focus that i start with and then define and expound upon it in "verses". Thereby my attention is less likely to drift into completely off areas. I am more likely to stay on task and focused, and the prayer itself becomes more... (i can't think of the right way to finish this) complete, purposeful, structured, beneficial...

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Redefining the Vision

It's nice to not be feeling miserable all the time. Now i just need to get past the complete exhaustion phase and the massively stressed out one. Anyways, that's neither here nor there.
I think it's time to reiterate and refine my vision, and to look at what i am doing and needing to do to bring that vision to fruition.

What is my vision? My vision is to have youth and young adults prepared for adulthood, trained to be adults and able to handle healthy relationships with their peers and those of the opposite sex. To mature and grow in their relationship with God as well as to become leaders and successful as people.
So, what does that mean? That's a good question. I'm glad that you asked. It means.............. Um, could you repeat the question please? Oh, yeah. What it means is that we need to prepare youth to be adults. Instead of just expecting that one day youth will be adults and will act like adults when they mature enough, we need to be helping them prepare and grow into adulthood. Unless youth are trained and expected to act like adults, chances are they are not going to.
Where has this vision come from? Our society has created this idea, this concept, that youth are kids and not adults. They are not supposed to act like or become adults until they are at least 21. The time between 17 or 18 and 21 is the ramp up stage in which they put their childish ways behind them and prepare for the real world. Prior to that is the adolescent stage in which youth rebel against authority and begin to become their own person. Adolescence is a troublesome time in which youth begin to "find themselves" and define who they are by standing against authority. The problem that i see is that these are modern and very unhealthy concepts. Traditionally, prior to the industrial revolution and the modern educational system, children were raised to become adults. When they were young, children were expected to help out and be involved where they could. As they grew they were given more and more responsibility until they were around the age of puberty (much older than puberty hits now, usually around 15-18). At that time they went through a rite of passage and became adults. As adults they were expected to act like adults, and to be able to provide and take care of a family. Which, with some help from family and the community, they could do since they spent their lives training and preparing for it. Now, however, even after 12+ years of "formal" education and many times 4 years of post high-school education, young adults still don't know how to be adults and take care of and provide for their families.
So, what now? That's a good question that i don't have enough time to get into right now. Check back tomorrow when i want to deal with plans, purposes, and steps to take.

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Frustrations and Distractions

It's so easy to get distracted in who we are that we lose focus on who God is and who He wants us to be. It's easy to get caught up in the things that are frustrating and distracting, the things that suck our attention and we lose focus on the things that really need our attention. It becomes, "what will make me feel better?", "what do i want?", or even "what am i supposed to do?" rather than, "Who are You God, and what are you looking for?". The only way to really know God, and to know the plan for our lives is to get to know Him. Spend time with Him reading the word, praying, seeking to understand Him. He reveals Himself to those who diligently seek Him, and to those called according to His purpose. So what are we doing to know Him more?

The Other Side

I think i'm beginning to understand things on a completely different level. I don't really like my job a whole lot. I basically work the job to pay the bills and have the insurance so that i can come home, spend some time with my family, work with the youth, etc. Last night, however, i began to see a little better how the other side lives. All my life i have spent in a Christian environment. My family growing up was involved in the church. I was always involved in the church. That continued on into my high-school and college years. There was a time that i rebelled and "turned away" from God, but i knew better. I knew that that was not going to work. My relationship and connection to God were too strong for a time of rebellion to really stick. It's like when you get really mad at the best friend you have had for years. You argue, you fight, but you are too heavily invested in each other that a stupid fight really can't destroy what you have built over the decades. So i have done the party scene, and the drama, and everything related to that before.

Last night however opened my eyes a little bit more. My work had a big celebration. We had reached a significant milestone that had taken a great deal of work and dedication by most everyone to achieve. So with a limited budget the management team put together a celebration. There was karaoke, hor d' ovures (i don't know how to spell it), and a pay bar. So my wife and i went. I'm never really that comfortable at these kinds of parties, but it was a chance to get away without the little ones which is nice sometimes. So the festivities began. Most everyone was drinking, hanging out and talking, and either singing or making a fool of themselves, or just watching it all.

I began to realize, "This is their life". So many of my co-workers work so that they can pay the bills and on the weekend get together with other coworkers and/or friends, go out to the bar and do exactly what everyone was doing last night. Get drunk, make fools of themselves, and complain about something or other. Others, instead of drinking, spend their weekends watching sports, getting lost in movies, whatever. This is the highlight of their week! There is no passion. There is no purpose. There is no direction or real desire... other than getting their weekend fix. It's no wonder everyone is always so miserable. Couple relationships have no solid foundation as a result they fall apart on a whim. Work, well work is just work. Depression is rampant. A big part of it is that for my coworkers, there is no real purpose other than to simply escape on the weekends. Where there is no vision the people perish. Where there is no purpose, there is no hope. There is only depression, escapism, and/or addiction.

I think i'm starting to understand a little bit better...

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So What?

I guess that i just don't get it sometimes. It amazes me how important it is to people, how important it is to me at times, to win. As time has gone by i'm starting to recognize more and more how driven we are, not only to do well and succeed, but to be number 1. Not that being number one is necessarily bad, but too often being number one comes at the cost of everything / everyone else.

I like to watch movies sometimes. They can be very entertaining. Every movie has a lesson. Every movie has a purpose. Every movie attempts to teach you something. At least every good movie does. Time and time again what i see in movies is the attempt to succeed. It is the attempt to overcome. It is the attempt to defeat everyone else and come out on top against all odds. It's about showing / proving to someone or something that you are better than them. There have been a couple of movies that i have seen lately that have had this common pattern, this common theme, and when i see them i walk away wondering, "So what?"

So the main character won, so what! He beat his opponent. He beat him soundly, so what! All he succeeded in doing is proving that he could win. The character won the battle, but in the end he lost the war. He overcame all of the obstacles. He defeated all the challenges. He succeeded! He won! So what? I saw a movie recently, i don't remember what it was, but i do remember walking away thinking. He won, who cares. I think that the statement would have been stronger and the movie better if he had in showing that he could win, instead of destroying and humiliating his opponent, rather let go and let his opponent win. I think it would have turned the movie from a mediocre one to a blockbuster. Instead, it was all about winning at the cost of everyone / everything else. Maybe the opponent deserved it? So what? Is the success worth the price? It's funny what people are capable of, what i am capable of, when it's all about Me, the big "I".

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