Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

At this point, staying or going is not about choice. I was brought on under the expectation of church growth. Our church has not grown as expected and finances are a major issue. The powers at be have decided that due to the financial crisis and since they do not see the numbers growth that they expected in the youth group, the inevitable is now. Either way, our time here has ended.

However, how i go makes all the difference in the world. I have been given the option. They were going to just say that they let us go with financial and other issues being the reason. After seeking some wise counsel my lead pastor has given us (my wife and me) the choice. We could say that i resigned, or that i was let go. My head pastor is pushing for me to say that i resigned. He and others think that finding a new ("better fit") position is going to be much easier for us if we resign as opposed to are let go. I'm inclined to agree with that statement. We are most likely going to find that getting a new job in our field is going to be much easier if we go the easier road.

However, there is a whole lot more to it than just what will benefit us. We have been in this position for over a year. There have been issues with some of the youth throughout that time (not to be unexpected). But if we leave now by "choice", it sends a message to the youth that we think they aren't worth fighting for. It tells them that they are not important enough for us to not give up on them. Our youth group is small but appropriate to the size of the church. One of the key youth just lost his best friend (moved away). He has been having a very difficult time with the process, and his mood and mentality has definitely changed as a result. Another is a very depressed loner who already feels left out. My wife and i have been really trying to reach out to her and draw her in with some aspect of success. Another youth started out as a very shy loner who has since opened up and bloomed within the youth group. He absolutely loves us. There are others that we have had conflict with but that we have worked to try to make sure that they understand that we value them.

The last place we were, part of what we were doing was a Jr. High small group. That small group was a fun time and everyone enjoyed being there. Everyone liked/loved us, but it wasn't until we were there for over a year that they began to open up. They began to bring to us some of the stuff that was going on in their lives and families to pray for and help them process through. That post 12-16 month point was when everything changed. We went from a small group of teaching and advice giving to having the ability (and right) to speak into their lives and mentor them. When we left for our current position, it had a major effect on that group. That small group continued with another leader who is a friend of ours. She loves those youth as her own kids, however the dynamics of that group changed immensely after we left. Some of the students left and joined another small group, others left and never came back. We still attempt to connect sometimes with those youth, but that solid connection is now lost. One of our biggest regrets was that they were finally opening up, and we up and left them.

Now we have a group that is FULL of struggling students. Young people that are struggling with loss, rejection, trying to reach for acceptance, family issues, understanding who they are, and more. If we resign, we are sending the youth the message that "we gave up on you". "We're done with you". "We didn't think that you were worth fighting for". Even if we say something to them otherwise, our resigning still tells them, "It's been a difficult road for all of us, and we have better things to do than try to make this work". Quite frankly, that's the last thing this group needs.

Image from masukomi used under cc license.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

The more i look at the world, the more i shake my head wondering what has happened. I started to notice it in high-school. I was walking down the hallway between classes and there was a group kids around fourth grade going down the hallway. Suddenly, it seemed like out of the blue, one of the younger kids starts making fun of one of high-schooler. I mean he just starts reaming on him, swearing at him, insulting him, and going on & on. From as far as i could tell the fourth grader wasn't mad at the other guy. He was just saying what he was because he knew he could get away with it, and getting away with it he was. The high-schooler starts acting like he's going to pummel the fourth grader and the fourth grader tells him that he's not afraid of him and that if he touches him he will sue him. The kid's teacher was nowhere to be seen, and no other staff member was even paying attention, let alone cared. I couldn't believe the gall of this kid. At around that age, no one i knew in school would have even considered doing that.

It amazes me how much times have changed. When i was a kid we called all adults by their titles Mr. & Mrs. There was no first name basis. (Mind you, i am only in my twenties. This wasn't something that occurred 50 years ago) There was respect because as adults they deserved respect. They were our authority figures and we were raised to have respect for authority. Nowadays that means little to nothing. Parents and other adults tend to be on a first name basis with their kids friends. If a child is disrespectful to someone in public people tend to shrug it off and say not to worry about it because they are just kids. I have seen where an adult chastised their child for being disrespectful to someone else and the other person got mad and chastised the parent for getting upset with their child.

It almost seems like any kind of respect besides self-respect is seen an inappropriate and unfounded. Lack of respect or even disrespect is status quo unless that respect has been earned. How about the fact that not only is the person older than you (or me) and has been through more things in life than us, but that they also have to put up with our crap. I'd say that that is more than deserving of respect.

This issue falls into even more of a problem because we (including the pastors and other church leaders) don't seem to have/act out respect for God during prayer. How many times have you seen a pastor or leader praying over or with a congregation and everyone has their heads bowed and is either reverently silent or is praying as well. I'm sure that a number of you who read this will say, "Sure, it happens every week at my church". But, what about the worship team? While someone is praying, they are getting onto and off of the stage. They are getting setup or they are tearing down. Why? So that everything can flow seamlessly? So that we have the best quality show? So that all that the audience(, i mean "congregation") sees is the best? Since when is it more important to put on a good "show" than to have respect for the creator of the universe? Why is the congregations view more important than respect for the one who has taken us from our own desire for selfish darkness into the light? How can we expect our children to be respectful of those in authority when it seems like we don't have the respect we should have for the ultimate authority, God?

(I do apologize for picking on the worship team. This is something that i see throughout the entire church body and not just in this situation. It's just an easy example that crosses congregational and denominational boundaries due to its commonality.)

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What is Faithfulness?

So what is so special about faithfulness? I have been really mulling this over in my mind for the last few days or so. I have come to realize that faithfulness is something existent in all people. Everyone is faithful to something or someone. Even those of us that we would call unfaithful are faithful to something; whether it be our emotional desires at the time, our selfish wants, or what our best friend wants, we are faithful to something. The question then becomes, what or who are we faithful to? Are we faithful to ourselves? Are we faithful to our feelings? Are we faithful to our friends? Are we faithful to God? Who or what are we faithful to?

I think in working with the young adults and the lesson for this week i will be focusing on helping them to 1) identify examples of faithfulness & unfaithfulness, 2) understand what fruit and faithfulness really are, 4) understand where fruit comes from and how it comes to be and 3) apply it. What ways are we faithful? How do we become faithful to the right things? What are three things that i can do today to be more faithful to the right things?

Image from Tracey Holland used under cc license.